in my own mind


yeah im aware how kinda fucked some of these might be, thats why i decided to start writing them down. had enough nights just waking up in a panic with no explaination. you know full well that you dont control the content in your dreams. i kinda just like, needed somewhere to put these so i can access them from anywhere.

XX/XX/11 XX:XXxx

i was walking through the woods, it was very snowy, the snow creating a half foot deep layer on the ground. i came upon a cabin somewhere in a clearing. the snow was getting bad enough that i could barely see in front of me. i tried the door only to find it locked. as i turned around i realised someone was following me, so i hid under the cabin, and came back out once i thought it was clear. when i got up i was immediately welcomed by cold steel thrust into my gut. for some reason the whole dying in the snow bit was like, really vivid and drawn out.

XX/XX/15 XX:XXxx

this ones an older one so i dont remember it as much but
i was sitting in my room when i just got the news that i was getting sold off to a "workforce correction camp". ended up getting taken out with a bunch of other kids in one big van to some fenced off area just off the highway. the rooms in the building were cramped and looked like those cube world things from like 2006. i ended up escaping with the help of someone i didnt recognise. he told me "i could be killed for doing this, you know". he dropped me off at my house where the police were waiting to take me back.

XX/XX/16 XX:XXxx

this one took place over three nights, one in my house, one outside, and one deep in the woods somewhere. all involving some kid chasing around then very grotesquely killing his parents. somehow i felt like i was purely a spectator. there was too much detail for me to wanna think about.

05/12/19 11:52am

im pretty sure i was living on my own, the house looked like a weird mix between the last two houses my familys lived in, grandmas house, and the place i stayed in in florida. i was talking to someone about something but was painfully hungry the whole time. somehow i knew that the area around the house was like the place i stayed in florida, with public transit stopping at the nearby corner, and having a train station not too far off. something was dead in my freezer in a big blue bag, there was also a microwave in the freezer for some reason, but it all felt like it took place on a train. at some point i opened the freezer and a bit of the blue bag was stuck in the microwave, on, and i made a joke about having fried whatever was in the bag. towards the end of the dream i was hungry enough that just looking at things i could vividly imagine the taste, whatever was in the blue bag mustve been fairly rotten cause i couldnt look at it anymore. i ended up opining up a rather cartoonishly sized bag of fish sticks and started pouring it out onto a plate. i kept thinking about what was in the bag. whatever was in it was going on the plate. i woke up before i grabbed the blue bag with Beach Life-In-Death stuck in my head.

05/23/19 7:27am

Was driving around in the back seat of dads car late at night blasting various depeche mode songs, id just put on black celebration when i got a google alert that "there may be a stalker in your area" and turned around to look at the person jogging behind us. every time we stopped thr car, theyd keep coming closer, til they were literally climbing on top of the car. they had no voice but very loudly said they had something to show me. i made a quip about how it better not be a knife, and they replied with something that had the energy of replying "its not :)" before holding me down and somehow pulling out a rather large rusted machete. i was begging for someone to trust me that this was serious to the point of tears. nobody else in the car took it seriously. they raised their arm with the same wicked smile they wore the whole time. i woke up crying right as their arm started coming back down.
if my dreams keep leaving me unable to sleep again afterwards, i might just stop.